Over the last few days I’ve been reminded that it is “New Year’s resolution” time everywhere I turn; on television, radio or social media. Experts cite the grim statistic that only 10% of us will keep our resolutions for more than a couple of weeks and purvey guidelines on how to be more successful: make your goals specific, have realistic expectations, give yourself a timeframe, get an accountability partner, etc. etc.
As a therapist and coach I work in the arena of change, and I agree that those are helpful tips; I’ve handed them out myself. I also recognize that despite knowing what to do, most of us don’t do it, so I have to ask myself “what’s missing?”
While there is not one answer to that question, I was struck by something this week that really made me think. Maybe it’s as fundamental as loss of the power of our promise; the weakness of our word.
I grew up in a time when giving your word was a weighty thing; it meant something. It was a matter of character and honor to “keep your word.” Throughout history – long before written contracts – transactions were handled by one’s word and a handshake. It gave cause to think before resolving, promising or committing to something – or someone.
Today, our expectations are different by and large. It seems an acceptable thing to not fulfill a promise; to change your mind, lose interest or opt out. I’m not talking about making a conscious decision to reevaluate a commitment. I’m talking about the passive, mindless, and sometimes lazy way we do not take our promises seriously.
The most damaging thing about unmet New Year’s resolutions is that they represent broken promises to yourself. How can we trust ourselves when it counts or build genuine confidence when we can’t keep our personal word?
If this is a struggle you relate to, you’re not alone. If this is something you want to change for yourself, the answer lies in rebuilding the strength of your resolve. It’s always best to start with ourselves, so practice by keeping a promise that you make to yourself. Choose one that really matters to you; say it out loud and write it down. Now make that promise a priority by allocating the time, energy and resources required to follow through. Keep that promise to yourself because you said you would.
Want some support? There is a non-profit organization recognizing the need for a shift around keeping promises. “because I said I would” is a social movement dedicated to the betterment of humanity through promises made and kept. It was founded by a young man names Alex Sheen after the death of his father in 2012. You can read inspiring stories of the promises people are making or request your own promise cards on his website becauseisaidiwould.com
May you experience the deep satisfaction of a promise well kept,
Pam