Comfortable in My Own Skin
For as long as I can remember I’ve enjoyed being around older people. When I was in grade school I loved to visit my paternal grandmother in rural Minnesota on the weekends and a week or two in the summertime. There was always something grounding and peaceful about being with her. During high school I visited her in a senior living facility and listened to stories of life on the farm before running water, electricity or central heating.
While in college I did a summer Sociology internship with an assisted living program for seniors. My job was to complete intake histories with new residents. I LOVED it! Many of the residents were in their 80s or 90s with amazing life stories to share. Some of them had come to America from Norway or Germany as child immigrants. Many had survived hardships unimaginable to me as a young woman. Almost all had an attitude about life that I wanted to emulate.
Over time I began to distill what it was about older people that was so attractive to me. Yes, their life stories were fascinating; and yes, they were survivors in many ways, but it was more than that. There was a different energy about them. They were easy to talk to; they had no airs about them; they knew who they were…
They were comfortable in their own skin.
And I realized that because they were comfortable with who they were, it made me comfortable too.
Wow! I was hooked. As a 20 year-old that was far from comfortable in my own skin, I wanted what they had and I became dedicated to figuring out what it took to get there.
Was it age alone? No. Although living longer seemed to play a role, I knew not all seniors had this quality about them. As my life progressed I realized that regardless of age, people who are comfortable in their own skin possess a grounded, confident and open countenance that attracts others to them. That’s why I loved my time with my grandmother. So if it’s not age alone, what is it?
For those of us with curious minds, life is a living laboratory. We pay attention, we hypothesize, we experiment, we observe results, and then we begin again. Living longer means that we’ve simply had more time in the laboratory and more time to practice what we’ve discovered.
Through more than three decades I have researched in my own living laboratory what it takes to be comfortable in your own skin, and here’s what I have learned so far:
- It begins by really knowing who you are. Not just the “cocktail party introduction” who you are, but the deep down “here’s what makes me tick” who you are.
- It requires acceptance of who and where you are “right now.” Acceptance is not necessarily an “I’m happy with me” approval, or an “I can’t do anything about it” resignation. It is the ability to own all the parts of you for what they are at any point in time.
- It involves a willingness to show up fully in life and trust that what you have to offer is “enough.” It is to let go of the constant comparison and just be who you are.
I can feel my whole body relax just writing those words. “Let go of the constant comparison.” Sounds good, doesn’t it?
For me, these principles have become a lifelong practice. The more time I practice, the more time I spend “comfortable in my own skin.” Believe me, if I can be successful with this, so can you. (And all the people who knew me when I was 20 said Amen!)
May you be whole, healthy and wise,
Pam