The Power of Perspective, part 3
In this series on The Power of Perspective we’ve discussed the impact of All or Nothing Thinking and Taking It Personally. To continue the discussion of how twisted thinking can keep you stuck, today’s focus is on the dynamic of “emotional reasoning.”
Emotional reasoning happens when you assume that feelings are objective facts and that your negative feelings accurately reflect reality. Your mental reasoning is based solely on emotions rather than all available information. So much so that your feelings actually become your experience; i.e. “if I feel that way then it must be true.”
You begin to equate your emotional experience with reality.
FEELINGS = REALITY
Emotional reasoning may sound something like this:
- “I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”
- “I feel fat, so I am fat.”
- “I feel like everyone’s looking at me, so I know they are.”
- “I don’t feel loved, so no one loves me.”
- “I feel like a failure, so I can’t be successful.”
As part of a holistic balance, the emotional aspect of who you are is a rich source of information and guidance. It can provide a warning system, enhance positive experiences, store memories, deepen relationships, steer decisions and make you feel alive.
Emotional reasoning is evidence of holistic imbalance: your emotions are no longer informing your experience, they have become your experience. And when your emotions are out of balance they are no longer a reliable source of information.
There is perhaps no more poignant picture of this than a severely thin, anorexic person looking straight into a mirror and declaring, “I am fat!” The distorted perceptions of emotional reasoning contribute to being stuck in this delusion. Because she feels fat, her reality follows that she is fat, when nothing could be further from the truth.
In short, emotional reasoning leads to being stuck.
Recognizing that your emotions are out of balance and may not be trustworthy, can be an important first step toward getting unstuck. It is helpful to slow down and question the conclusion you are reaching. A good practice for untwisting emotional reasoning is to ask yourself the following:
- What external evidence do I have that this is true?
- Am I seeing the whole picture?
- Would other people agree that my perceptions are valid?
When you recognize emotional reasoning you can shift your perspective by consciously striking through the equal sign in your thinking. Feelings do not equate with reality.
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO CHOICE ≠ I HAVE NO CHOICE
The truth is that “feeling like you have no choice” is likely nothing more than that: a feeling. In fact it usually is, because there are always choices; they may not be easy or appealing but they are choices nonetheless.
The bottom line is that emotions are an empowering companion to critical thinking, but are dis-empowering when solely in charge. Recognizing and correcting your emotional reasoning is a key part of The Solution to Being Stuck.